Are You In A Codependent Relationship?
How often do you find yourself worrying about or trying to control the behaviors of those around you? It’s a common tendency—especially for those of us living in the shadow of addiction, infidelity, and relationship injury.
Maybe this sounds familiar to you…
I am not sure who I am apart from my relationship—I’m so focused on others’ perceptions of me and I feel lost, uncertain, and out of control. If my partner is upset, I’m upset. If my child is anxious, I’m anxious. Yet, I don’t know how to begin to help myself.
You’re not alone in these thoughts—many of us struggle to strike a healthy balance in our relationships. However, this balance is significantly complicated when our partner is an addict. Within these specific relationship dynamics, it’s common for the non-addicted partner to develop a pattern of always putting others before themselves.
Betrayal Trauma And Codependency Issues Are Interconnected
If you’re the spouse of an addict, you may have found that you’re overly invested in their decision-making or unable to detach your emotions from theirs. As they struggle with certain behaviors, you might feel constantly worried about what they are or aren’t doing, ultimately more concerned with their progress than your own healing.
As a result, you’ve developed persistent anxiety, depression, and fear. You may carry anger and resentment into your relationships or feel selfish in drawing boundaries. Convinced you’re powerless, you may be overwhelmed or altogether numb.
Instead, intense feelings manifest as headaches, mood swings, and over- or under-eating. You’re so focused on changing what your partner is or isn’t doing that you may have lost sight of what you want out of the relationship. You may believe that it’s ultimately on your partner to fix what’s broken and that the status of their addiction will determine whether or not you’re happy.
When your relationship suffers a breach of trust, it’s easy to become preoccupied with the need to monitor, manage, or control your partner. Keeping yourself busy with their actions and behaviors, you’re avoiding your own emotions. Yet, you have more power than you think. In counseling, you can better understand your role in your relationship so that you can reduce conflict, anxiety, and codependency in your life.
All Of Us Encounter Codependent Dynamics In Our Relationships
The term “codependency” gets a bad rap, but I believe we all live with some level of codependency in our lives, especially with those closest to us. We can overly rely on loved ones—just as they can overly rely on us—and it can inadvertently create an unhealthy feedback loop of dependent behaviors.
Oftentimes, codependency stems from early relationships within our families. As we grow into adults, we might mirror some of the unhealthy relationship behaviors that were modeled to us, perpetuating codependency into our intimate partnerships in particular. In addition, codependency is reinforced within religious communities. Raised with the ideas of “always putting others before yourself” and that self-preservation equals selfishness, it can be difficult for Christians and other faith-based individuals to establish healthy boundaries in service of their own mental and emotional well-being.
Counseling for codependency operates from the premise that in order to give to others, you must take care of yourself first. There’s nothing wrong with putting on your own oxygen mask before assisting and protecting those around you. The skilled support of a therapist and a 12-step program can be the key to overcoming codependency so that your relationships—especially the one you have with yourself—can thrive.
Codependency Counseling At Crown & Cloak
When you are so focused on the actions of others, it’s easy to lose the ability to be fully yourself and rigorously honest about what you’re feeling. Therapy allows you to safely explore your relationship and trauma history so that you can see where codependency originated. With newfound awareness and feelings of safety, you can learn better ways of relating to those around you.
As someone who has struggled with codependency, I can relate to what you’re going through. I have been in the position of not knowing where or how to start prioritizing my own feelings, but I am here to tell you that recovery from codependency exists. Working together, you can learn to achieve a healthier balance in your life and relationships.
My Approach
It's essential to tell and understand your whole story. As you develop a better awareness of how patterns formed in early family of origin or past relationships, you’ll be able to see how codependent behaviors are playing out right now. Ongoing counseling sessions will involve looking at examples of codependency from your everyday life and where you can apply the healthy skills you’ll learn in therapy.
Drawing from the Karpman Triangle and Sheri Keffer’s Empowerment Wheel, you will gain a better idea of how codependent behaviors play out in relationships. And because I am a proponent of 12-step programs, group therapy will be an essential element of codependency treatment. For clients who identify as Christian or otherwise religious, I am happy to incorporate faith-based concepts into treatment.
Connection is the opposite of addiction. By working with a therapist specializing in codependency and betrayal trauma recovery, you can practice acceptance, calm, and fostering peace. Therapy can put you on the path towards an existence that feels self-sufficient and within your control.
Perhaps You’re Interested In Therapy But Not Sure If It’s Right For You…
My partner is the addict—why should I have to go to treatment for codependency?
No one is perfect. I believe we all have areas of life that we could work on. While it’s true that your partner is the one with the addiction, the codependency issues within your relationship can be significantly helped with individual counseling.
Therapy gives you an opportunity to feel at ease—regardless of what your partner is or isn’t doing. By better understanding your role in the relationship dynamic, you can make healthier choices.
I’m concerned about the cost and time requirement of treatment.
You’re here because you struggle to put yourself first. It’s been a while since you were at the top of your priority list, but it’s time to invest in yourself. As an intervention that will help you re-prioritize your sanity, serenity, and well-being, you’re likely to find the therapeutic process to be worth the time and financial investment.
If cost remains a concern, note that I am happy to provide superbills to submit to your insurance provider for reimbursement.
Can counseling help even if I suspect deeper issues beyond codependency are at play?
It’s highly possible you are living with some kind of trauma—whether from childhood or as the result of a partner betrayal—that has led to codependent behaviors. As a therapist specializing in codependency, I can help you identify what is really going on and tailor the recovery process to address your unique experience. With help and support, you can understand and heal from the underlying issues at the core of unhealthy thoughts, feelings, and actions.
Choose Yourself
Codependency within your relationships has caused you to lose sight of your needs and well-being, but counseling can help. For more information or to schedule a free, 15-minute consultation to discuss my approach to codependency treatment, click here.
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